Hate list

hate list Hate List

More DetailsOriginal TitleHate ListISBN0316041440ISBN13: 9780316041447Edition LanguageEnglishSeriesHate ListCharactersValerie Leftman, Nick Levil, Jessica CampbellLiterary AwardsMilwaukee County Teen Book Award Nominee (2011), Michigan Library Association Thumbs Up! Award (2010), Lincoln Award Nominee (2014), Gateway Readers Award (2012), Oklahoma Sequoyah Award for High School (2012a id="bookDataBoxHide" style="display: none;" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6316171-hate-list#" onclick="$j('#bookDataBoxShow').show(); $j('#bookDataBoxHide').hide(); $j('#bookDataBox').hidereturn false;">...Less Detail Edit Detailsh2>Reader QA

To ask other readers questions about Hate List, please sign up. Popular Answered Questions Would you recommend this book for someone who likes 13 Reasons Why?

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• See all 2 answers alt src="http://res.cloudinary.com/dmoe4us36/image/upload/v1659191519/50938238._UX100_CR0,0,100,100_.jpg"> Shannon Fay I would absolutely recommend this book to anyone who enjoyed 13 Reason Why. A lot of what it deals with is similar. There's a tragic act that seriousl…moreI would absolutely recommend this book to anyone who enjoyed 13 Reason Why. A lot of what it deals with is similar. There's a tragic act that seriously affects people who knew that person. There are people left devastated by those actions, and the main character really struggles, and you can relate to her story, and (at least I could), feel what she's feeling. So if you liked 13 Reasons, because you liked reading about a messed up situation, and how that affects people (I guess liked is the wrong word, cuz it is really messed up). If you enjoyed reading a really tough, but touching book, then yes, you'd probably like this.(less) flag
  • book, enoyed the story line but think it should be 13
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    • 8 years ago
    • Add your answer alt src="http://res.cloudinary.com/doswgrsx9/image/upload/v1659191520/45426175._UX100_CR0,0,100,100_.jpg"> Riley Hurst It's marked as YA which starts between 12 and 14 at most schools as to when you're allowed to check them out.…moreIt's marked as YA which starts between 12 and 14 at most schools as to when you're allowed to check them out.(less) flag
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Community Reviews

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This is the kind of story I was hoping for when I read This Is Where It Ends - a book that promised to delve into the darkness of school shootings, but never moved past a surface view of mindlessly evil shooter vs. poor victims. Hate List, on the other hand, is dark, psychologic

“People do it all the time--assume that they "know" what's going on in someone else's head. That's impossible. And to think it's possible is a mistake. A really big mistake. A life-ruining one if you're not careful.”

This is the kind of story I was hoping for when I read This Is Where It Ends - a book that promised to delve into the darkness of school shootings, but never moved past a surface view of mindlessly evil shooter vs. poor victims. Hate List, on the other hand, is dark, psychological, sad and angering.

So many things were running through my head while reading this upsetting novel. One was an Abigail Haas quote: "Wouldn't we all look guilty, if someone searched hard enough?" And another was a memory of something I wrote in my diary when I was about thirteen. Back when I was an angsty, depressed teenager, I wrote the sentence: "some people should really just die."

That came back to me while reading this book. I was angry, I was sad, but did I want to kill anyone? No. Did I have it in me to get a gun and shoot my classmates? It would never even have occurred to me. And that's kind of what this book is about. How we all have dark thoughts now and then. How we all throw away casual sentences like "I could kill her!" but mean nothing by it.

The story, while technically about a school shooting, actually goes far deeper than that. The author chooses to focus not quite on the shooter, not quite on the victims, but on someone in between. Valerie. She was Nick's girlfriend and helped create the "Hate List" - a list of people who had bullied them, humiliated them, judged them. But it was just a harmless list of names, right?

Well, it was until Nick decided to walk into school one morning and pick off the people on that list, one by one, and then kill himself. Now, Valerie's left alive with the blame. Many believe she and Nick planned the shooting, many blame her for creating the list regardless. Her own parents can't look at her. Her group of friends are afraid to be associated with her.

Valerie is a very sympathetic character. It's easy to relate to her, to feel her pain, her guilt, her loneliness and her anger. Everybody hates sometimes, and it is extremely heartbreaking to see her private hatred dragged out for the world to see and to judge. It made me so angry that she was being blamed for writing down the names of those who made her life hell.

And, through her, Nick is not merely an evil boy with a gun. He becomes a human being full of pain and sadness, sick of being kicked into the dirt and treated like shit just for being different. This book breaks down the barriers between victim and villain, between the average teenager and one capable of doing something so horrific.

Whenever school shootings happen, people always look for an answer to those same questions: what makes this kid different from everyone else? Do they have some innate propensity to kill? How am I different? Oh god, am I that different? And I think this book really looks at that, humanizing everyone and offering an understanding of their individual situations and motivations.

It was very powerful and never once stopped making me feel something - sad, angry, frustrated, concerned, and hopeful.

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2. Books like this should be required reading for kids around the middle school age range. Kids need to be told over and over just how bad bullying is. This book managed to show many perspectives on a school shooting, but the one perspective that stood out to me the most was how one person felt like if they'd been a little kinder, there might have been a chance that the entire chain reaction of events might not have been triggered. ONE person out of the many bullies tormenting the offender might have been able to prevent something so horrendous from happening.

3. Most of the book felt cold to me. I can't explain why I felt detached, but I was. It wasn't until the very last section that everything hit me in a big way (it appears that a few other friends thought the same thing), and then I started to cry. The book was worth reading just for the way I felt about the last section, but there was something about the setup which felt sterile to me. Maybe that was the point, who knows...but some of the past and present transitions could have been handled a little smoother.

4. I appreciated that both of the parties (directly and indirectly) involved with the shootings were shown as feeling, thinking, human beings. Too often, we fail to look at the person committing the crime and wonder how they got to such a place that would make them want to hurt other people. This passage near the end of the book made me lose it (I'm not going to consider it a spoiler that you'll figure out the shooter killed himself because that happens a good portion of the time with these types of crimes, so it's something the majority of us would probably assume to be something that would happen) :

Of course Ma would have wanted Nick remembered as a "Beloved Son." Of course she'd do it in the most laid-back way possible - whispering it to him in tiny letters on his headstone. Just a whisper. You were beloved, son. You were my beloved. Even after all of this, I still remember the beloved you. I can't forget.

Even the worst person on earth might still have someone there, remembering them after they are gone - remembering not only the bad, but also the good, the part of that person worth loving.

Just typing that out had me fighting back tears. Maybe if Nick had realized just how loved he was, he wouldn't have felt the need to kill those on the "hate list," those people who bullied him. I guess we'll never know.

...moreflag118 likes · Like  · see reviewView all 27 commentslink href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2431391100"> Trigger Warnings: shooting and death/violence, suicide, depression, bullying, abuse, toxic relationships, alcohol and drug use, trauma.

I first read this book a year and a half ago and I’m still too emotionally wrecked to talk about it.

I was very intimidated by this book at first, since a) my mom thought it was "too dark for me" (even though there was literally a school shooting two towns over) and b) it was the first book I checked out from my library's Young Adult section way back before seventh grade.

I read it anyway.

“Hate List” is harsh and emotional. It’s just so hard-hitting and deals so well with the themes it covers. It goes into mental health, grief, guilt, bullying and toxic relationships.

The plot follows Valerie Leftman going into her senior year of high school after her ex-boyfriend, Nick, shot and killed multiple people (and then himself) at their school, choosing targets from the notebook that they shared. It was a list of all the people and things they hated.

After spending the summer alone and trying to recuperate, she has to face the trauma of being shot and witnessing the shooting, and the people who know she was involved.

“Nick hated those kids. And they hated him back. That’s why. Hate. Punches in the chest. Nicknames. Laughs. Snide comments. Being shoved into the lockers when some idiot with an attitude walked by. They hated him and he hated them and somehow it ended up this way, with everyone gone.”

The Hate List was Nick and Val’s pet project - a way for them to vent. Valerie started it. But she thought it was just a coping thing for them, not something that Nick would actually take seriously.

However, Valerie was also the one who stopped the shooting, and got shot in the leg in the process.

So to some people, she’s the hero who ended the shooting. To other people, it’s her fault that all of it happened.

The character conflict was so so amazing. As the reader, you can see Val’s guilt and pain over the shooting. But you also get her anger and frustration. She’s dealing with the question of whether or not she really wanted the shooting to happen, whether it’s her fault, and why she didn’t see it coming from her own boyfriend. It's agonizing and deep.

Valerie was such a complex character, and I could really empathize with her emotions and thoughts. Her personality was so real and understandable.

Nick...I don’t know what I thought about Nick. I think for me, there’s naturally this feeling that he’s a “bad” character, because of the shooting, but we also get his honest side from Valerie’s perspective. Val’s memories show us that the boy who shot his classmates and teachers wasn’t the boy she fell in love with, and I think that was pulled off so well. Valerie still loved Nick, even after the shooting, because the Nick she loved wasn’t the one who shot her, and I think that was extremely important. A lot of the time, the shooter is just the bad guy -period, that’s it, nothing else. He’s just evil. And that’s how we feel about the real-life shooters too. I think a lot of people don’t want to sympathize with them, and that makes sense, but it’s important to understand that they are also people (not that that justifies anything about what they did).

“Of course Ma would have wanted Nick remembered as a “Beloved Son.” Of course she’d do it in the most laid-back way possible—whispering it to him in tiny letters on his headstone. Just a whisper. ‘You were beloved, son. You were my beloved. Even after all of this, I still remember the beloved you. I can’t forget.’ ”

Jessica - I loved how she started out as basically a walking stereotype and slowly became more fleshed-out and human. I didn’t love her, but her character was so compelling.

Dr. Hieler was amazing. I think he was definitely the perfect therapist that Valerie needed, and even though he wasn’t really developed a lot, his character was still really important and just someone I wish I knew in real life.

“Life isn’t fair. A fair’s a place where you eat corn dogs and ride the Ferris wheel.”
“I hate it when you say that.”
“So do my kids.”

Bea was so much fun. I loved her. She was basically the definition of an eccentric-artist type of character, and she delivered on both counts. She’s the kind of person that you basically never meet but desperately wish you could. Bea was the light point in this book, out of a traumatized cast of characters.

“One’s my favorite number,” Bea giggled. “The word won being the past tense of win, and we can all say at the end of the day that we’ve won once again, can’t we? Some days making it to the end of the day is quite the victory.”

The writing was definitely really good, especially since it’s a little bit more flowery/expressive than you would expect from this kind of gritty contemporary book. It delivered imagery, emotion and perspective so well.

“I wanted to know what kind of spill would look so glorious, so shiny. Spills are usually ugly and messy, not beautiful.”

This book made me so emotional. It went so deep into loss and mental health and survivor’s guilt that it just punched me in the face. I am a sucker for books that make me miserable in the best way, and Hate List did that. The chaos of the shooting was conveyed so well that I felt disoriented and terrified. The grief hit me in the face repeatedly. The guilt made me hurt.

The messages that this book carried were so raw and real, and the sad thing is that everything about this book - the characters, the events, the pain and the themes - all apply today, twelve years after the book was written. Literally nothing has changed, and it’s sad.

“People hate. That’s our reality. People hate and are hated and carry grudges and want punishments.”

Just...the way this book dealt with revenge, guilt, and bullying was so harsh and painful, but also amazing at the same time. It wasn’t so much about “closure” and “healing from grief” the way a lot of books are - it was more about just facing what happened. It wasn’t a healing arc more than a raw narrative of how fractured everything is after a tragedy.

I’ll admit that this book was slightly dark. There were so many low points and toxic relationships and moments that just made me want to scream and punch something. But that was realistic, too. I’ve seen shit like that happen in real life, and I hate it, but the way this book covered that and made it so personal and relatable was just so good.

The way things fell apart on the page was exactly the way it made me feel.

Val’s family was so tangled and her school life had so many problems, and all the mental health and the secrets and the trust issues and the low points that Valerie hit just physically hurt me. And since I’m masochistic like that, I reread this book over and over.

In a way, Nick had been right: We all got to be winners sometimes. But what he didn’t understand was that we all had to be losers, too. Because you can’t have one without the other.”

Literally the way this book dealt with people’s opinions and judgement was so powerful and it addressed so many things that I hadn’t even thought about. The preconceived stereotypes of classmates and the way people will automatically label others was a strong influence in this book.

“I hear people talking when I’m out in public all the time and when they think I can’t hear them they always go, ‘That’s such a shame. She was a pretty girl.’ Was. Like a thing of the past, you know? And it’s not like being pretty is the most important thing in the world. But…” she trailed off again, but she didn’t need to finish the sentence. I knew what she was thinking: Being pretty isn’t everything, but sometimes being ugly is.”

Overall, only read this book if you are ready to deal with some very heavy, tension-inducing topics. It’s not a cute, happy read. It’s emotional and harsh and very painful. It's something to cry about and scream over and curl up in the corner because it's so true and so real and so wrong that it physically and spiritually aches. But it’s so worth it.

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I've read several books by Jennifer Brown and so far, none of them have come close to reaching the sheer magnificence of the HATE LIST. I thought I had read it as a teenager, but it seems like I actually read it for the first time in my early twenties. Even so, I'm still including it on the list of my rereading project, which consists of books I loved when I was a young woman that I'm checking out again as a full grown adult.

HATE LIST is

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I've read several books by Jennifer Brown and so far, none of them have come close to reaching the sheer magnificence of the HATE LIST. I thought I had read it as a teenager, but it seems like I actually read it for the first time in my early twenties. Even so, I'm still including it on the list of my rereading project, which consists of books I loved when I was a young woman that I'm checking out again as a full grown adult.

HATE LIST is about Valerie, who is the survivor of a school shooting. She's also the girlfriend of the shooter, who killed himself after shooting several of their classmates and teachers dead. Valerie stopped the bullet from hitting one of her enemies, Jessica, before she was shot herself and is grappling with survivor's guilt... and guilt-guilt as well. Because the people Nick killed came from a notebook she kept called the Hate List, which is where she kept a log of all the people who bullied her and her boyfriend.

I know that some people are going to take issue with this book for the premise alone, which is about the perspective of a shooting from someone who is partially responsible (or is perceived to be that way). But Valerie didn't wield the gun and she didn't know what her boyfriend was going to do, and plenty of us have said things about others in private or among friends ("oh, I could just KILL her") that could make us look guilty if that person suddenly dropped dead. Her relationship with Nick was toxic and their depression became the bond between the two of them, and even though Valerie could sense him drifting away and going down a darker path, she didn't necessarily realize just how violent that path would become.

Personally, I don't think that HATE LIST makes apologies for school shooters. Valerie's story is a story of healing as she comes to terms with her own guilt and also that her boyfriend did a truly horrible thing. It's about putting a human face to the violence that occurs on both sides of a shooting, which I don't think a lot of people do, and addresses a lot of different subjects in a complex and interesting way. Valerie's family dynamic was heartbreaking and shows how parents can sometimes struggle to reconcile their own desires with what is best for their kids. The bullying Nick and Valerie received at school was actually pretty similar to what I faced in high school myself, and I, too, was depressed and filled with powerless fury over it. The aftermath and the students' reactions-- both to what happened and also to Valerie, once she makes the choice to return-- felt very realistic. I also liked that therapy played such a prevalent and positive role in the book and in Valerie's recovery.

This was just a really great, really emotional, really real book-- and I really enjoyed it. (And yes, the ending made me tear up.)

4.5 stars

...moreflag67 likes · Like  · see reviewView all 8 commentslink href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/242463038"> Val just needed a friend.

VERDICT: The Hate List is an amazing, character-driven exploration of overcoming trauma that avoids the normal narratives of ~recovery boys~ in favor of friendship and primary agency to women. Definitely recommended.

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I really loved how this book was written. I enjoyed both the writing style and the way both the past and the present were alternating. It's a subject that really touches me and I loved how it was handled. It wasn't only about victims and culprits. The Hate List was so layered and so deep, I recommend it to any reader.

Mild spoilers beyond this point:

This book circles about perceptions. How to Valerie, the Hate List was a way to release herself as to Nick it was a list of potential targets. How they were both angry but that in the end, they didn't have the same perception of boundaries. Their perception of limits and retribution weren't on the same scale. And it was what amazed me the most. I think it was also what despaired Valerie the most and what made her denial so hard to overcome. How two persons that close, always talking, sending texts and email to each other all night long, could be such strangers to one another? How could Valerie hadn't seen nor guessed what was happening in Nick's mind?

She was so lost that she ended up isolating herself. She pushed away anyone that came to her, to help her. She rejected her family, her former friends and even classmates. I think that the fact that Nick killed himself made things worse for Valerie. She blamed herself for not seeing it coming. She was angry at everyone including herself. It wasn't really about self-pitying, but more about the fact that she learned that the person she loved the most was a complete stranger and she couldn't ask for an explanation. She needed something, anything from him; a justification, an apology, or even a proof that she couldn't have known. Her whole world collapsed and she lost faith and trust toward her friends and family.

“Just like there's always time for pain, there's always time for healing.”

It takes a long time to Valerie to stop bargaining about what she could have done to prevent the tragedy. To have known better, and to have had some more insight into the slippery slope Nick was caught in. She has an amazing therapist, who is basically the only person she trusts, he helps her dealing with her feelings, her guilt and her depression, to go through the day. To my opinion, when she started to go back to school, it was the beginning of the "going better process". Even though it was really hard for her to be confronted with the school situation, I think she was less dwelling on her misery. However, I understand how difficult it must have been for her to be stared and the object of murmurs and resentment.

The process of acceptance is gradual and well brought. The main being about seeking forgiveness. Our closes ones' as well as our own. The more I read, the more I realized that the most important was not the absolution of those she wronged, but her own acceptance and mercy for herself. To accept that everyone deals with death and loss his or her own way and that it's okay to be mad, it's okay to still love, it's okay to stretch your hand to yesterday's foe and make him your friend.

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Oh, don't roll your eyes. He IS wise!

▶ OVERVIEW

People hate. That's our reality. People hate and are hated and carry grudges and want punishments ... I don't know if it's possible to take hate away from people. Not even people like us, who've seen firsthand what hate can do. We're all hurting. We're all going to be hurting for a long time. And we, probably more than anyone else out there, will be searching for a new reality every day. A better one ... But in

A WISE MAN ONCE SAID.

Oh, don't roll your eyes. He IS wise!

▶ OVERVIEW

People hate. That's our reality. People hate and are hated and carry grudges and want punishments ... I don't know if it's possible to take hate away from people. Not even people like us, who've seen firsthand what hate can do. We're all hurting. We're all going to be hurting for a long time. And we, probably more than anyone else out there, will be searching for a new reality every day. A better one ... But in order to change reality you have to be willing to listen and to learn. And to hear. To actually hear.

Five months ago, Valerie Leftman was implicated in a tragic event that occurred in her high school's cafeteria. Now she has to return to those same halls and people who blame her for the crime which was committed, because Valerie's hate list was what prompted the high school shooting that marked a great change in the lives of the people of her hometown.
Hate List is very nearly an excellent piece of work that dares to be honest, sensitive and consequential in it's themes.
The story is told in present chapters, news reports and articles, flashbacks which take us through Valerie's memories of the day of the shooting, and the days before.

▶ I'LL TELL YOU EXACTLY HOW I FELT WHILE AND AFTER READING THIS.
I think this book changed me a bit. Sometimes when I read a story, no matter how invested I am, no matter how integrated I am into it, I imagine the story world is a glass globe, and I'm standing on the outside looking in. They say onlookers see much more than the players. I'm the onlooker, I should have aspired to more insight. But I didn't. I simply couldn't. And I swear I felt bamboozled and was very frustrated, like I was cheated out of my advantage and rightful privilege. I won't lie

BUT

I've thought about the realities of this story and I still can't for the life of me understand the science behind them all. But I like this, this state of confutation is magnificent. It shouldn't be easy to assign blame, close the case and call it a day. It's wrong if it's that easy. It's wrong and inadequate. Many times I was angry at how thorough Brown was in exploring and communicating the feelings of the characters because I had no excuse to be lazy in my perceptions.

▶ THIS WAS MY VERY FIRST BOOK ON THE SUBJECT OF HIGHSCHOOL SHOOTING.
So like the heading says, this was my very first book on the subject of highschool shooting, and I don't know if that should mean something. But it does, it really does, because in reality I had never thought about the subject and I never imagined I'd read a book on it. But we're readers and we keep circling in and out of orbit, so that's that. One thing that struck me about this story was the mundaneness of it's progression, the casualty of it's fuel source. Think about it. Have you ever made a list - and if not a physical list, a mental one - of things you hated, situations you wished you could take by the neck and wring the life out of, people you wanted gone, hurt, or both? Have you ever been that angry? Have you ever been that acidified? Burning and boiling and raging. And what if someone took that list and turned it into a gross reality. What if they turned your anger into something monstrously real and happening? Well, the answer is simple really.

Valerie started the Hate List that morphed into a target list which her boyfriend, Nick Levil, used to orchestrate an high school shooting. A shooting that left some dead, others hurt - including Valerie who was shot in the leg when she tried to stop the shooting, and Nick with a bullet in his head. Just thinking about this scene alone is dizzying. But the hardest part of the ordeal is the blame assigning. And along with that, the troubles of the aftermath: Dealing with loss and coming back to life after so many deaths, gaining back trust, forgiveness, friends, family and the love of a community that needs to grieve, and demands the comfort of having someone to blame. Those were the hardest parts, going through all those transitions were hard, not just for Valerie, but also for the reader. Because here is the time to doubt your sense of discernment. You're human, you'd love to blame someone too. We follow Valerie's shifts between different personas. Sometimes she's the sad girl and sometimes she's the monster. Sometimes she knows she tried her best and sometimes she's a failure. A hero. A victim. A culprit. An accomplice. It's all she could do to assume all these roles, to bear the burden of the crime she didn't commit, but somehow unconsciously permitted.

And then think about this, the greatest struggle after coming to terms with the deaths: That the boy you loved, a boy you felt one with at some point in your estranged lives could dip his hands into such dirty and dark things, use his hands to commit such an atrocity. How do you reconcile the love you feel with the crime? How do you reconcile your guilt with your role in the crime? Because even though Valerie wasn't aware of Nick's shooting plans, she did a bit more than just start the list, she helped it flourish by making namely contributions. She spewed hate and vented angrily. But she thought she was doing just that - venting. She didn't know Nick was meaning it. Meaning to take it one step further. Meaning for them to be the winners, just once.

“We all got to be winners sometimes. But what he didn’t understand was that we all had to be losers, too. Because you can’t have one without the other"

One thing that frustrated the sanity out of me was Nick. Some characters in this book would have you believe that Nick was a genetic waste. Right from the womb, he was meant for trouble. Yes, something wasn't quite right with that boy from the start. But I wonder, is anyone ever born to be a high school shooter? Do some parents just wake up one morning and decide to have a baby that will be named catastrophe and carnage? A baby that will grow so full and tipping with hate and fury that he'd one day take a gun out and kill his school mates and himself? And if this isn't so, when did the poison set in? If he didn't come out bouncy with hate, then what? It all comes down to the time in between, it comes down to society. Society, environment and people. All the systems that mould us, change us, and break us. But you assume you know his mind. You conclude that because he killed, killing was his singular thought. You assume you know because it's easier that way. There's a reason, so logic has prevailed and all is right with the world again. But is it possible to know anyone's mind? To know without doubt all the emotions they're capable of feeling and things they're capable of doing?

"People do it all the time--assume that they "know" what's going on in someone else's head. That's impossible. And to think it's possible is a mistake. A really big mistake. A life-ruining one if you're not careful.”

Don't you wonder about it? How shattered could a person be for them to lose that little bit of humanity that shuns murder and values something as fragile and invaluable as life? It's funny how people never asked the question 'why?' And society in reality is exactly this way. I'm not saying the shooting is right, I'm not trying to downplay the tragedy but there's a cause to the effect. No one really took account of the fact that Nick and Valerie were harassed, abused and bullied day after day, because those are crimes less than murder. Just not bloody and stigmatizing enough to call for jail sentences and get the orange jumpsuits out. But we forget there is no grade to wrongness. I forgot this in the beginning, and every time Valerie tried to convince me of Nick's goodness, convince herself of his humanity, I forgot this - It's wrong because it's wrong. The bullying was wrong, and so was the shooting.

▶ THE THEMES AND MOTIFS IN THIS BOOK WHICH I DARE. NOT EXPATIATE ON OR ELSE NOVEL.
⏩ Versions of Reality.
⏩ Judgement - Valerie and Nick were so frivolous in their judgments. They hardly knew the truth of some people they placed on their list.
⏩ Tragedy.
⏩ Family and parental involvement.
⏩ Forgiveness.
⏩ Media.
⏩ Societal estrangements and constraints
⏩ The world of High school
⏩ Therapy and counseling. No seriously, if you meet the psychiatrist in this book you'll understand what I'm saying. Grateful is the word.
❎ Some people will probably abuse me for this, but I don't blame Valerie's parents for some of their reactions. I believe that it's not easy to be adequate in our reactions sometimes in the face of life changing tragic situations. But we try. We try and we fail. And that's the point of all these characters. But yes, a great big part of me kept wishing that someone would set Valerie's awful father straight... Or crooked.

JK guys. JK.
▶ WHAT IT MEANS TO FIND LOVE - UNHEALTHY LOVE - IN A HOPELESS PLACE.
Something I found really harrowing was how unhealthy Nick and Valerie's relationship was. Sometimes it seemed like it needed hate to thrive. They needed to hate and be angry and spiteful to feel together. To be one in love. Nick and Valerie were odd kids, both alienated by the nature of their individual make-ups and circumstances that were out of their control - Broken families, troubled lives, insensitive peers. And lost knows lost, so they found themselves in each other and became lost together. I don't know honestly. I'm really, truly still doubting my deductions even after weeks following my reading. I'm doubting so much, this is just my two cents I'm putting in. Amidst all that hate, Valerie related moments of innocent love and untainted happiness that did nothing for my confusion. So I've come to the conclusion that their love was very schizophrenic. And yet they found comfort in it. Maybe it was all wrong and sully, but who and what could have saved them both? You understand through Valerie and Nick's relationship that in such a relationship, you could be happy. You could be really happy, but the question is for how long before you crash?
And so I say to you, define Masterpiece.

▶ SONGS
⏩ Because my feelings will never be resolute, "Don't give a damn about your reasons" Nick.
Broken by James Bugg

⏩ For Valerie
Scars by Foxes

⏩ For Graduation day! Time capsule scene :'(
Quiet In My Town by Civil Twilight

I NEED MEDICINE PEOPLE.

PRE-REVIEW
I'D HONESTLY REALLY LOVE TO DO THIS:

But first I need to find the words.

Review to come when I'm less...

Words. Give. Me. Words.

...moreflag48 likes · Like  · see reviewView all 43 commentslink href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/78500740"> Initial reaction: There aren't a lot of books that make me cry. This one made me teary eyed in places.

It's a book that covers many difficult subjects and emotions, and there are definitely a lot of times where Valerie was a difficult character to follow, but man - her emotions, experiences - all felt very genuine and real to me.

Val's parents were horrible.

Listened to this via audiobook, beautifully narrated.

Full review:

Oh man, how on earth do I write a review on Jennifer Brown's "Hate List?" Honestly have no idea what took me so long to read this book. I really do enjoy books that challenge the way that I think about tough subjects and delve into the matter with such an intimate perspective and character growth arc. This book was no different.

But reading "Hate List" hurt. I'm not going to mince words about it, this hit me in a place I wasn't expecting to be hit at all. (Weird that I'm writing this review shortly after watching a Criminal Minds episode where the anniversary of a school shooting took place.) The journey was such an emotionally sharp one, holding me in a vice-like grip and not letting go until I listened to the last minute. I'll admit I actually wept during parts of this because it hit me that much.

This is the story of a girl named Valerie whose boyfriend (Nick) was the center of a mass school shooting that left several students dead or permanently scarred (mentally and physically), her being shot in the leg, and ultimately him turning the gun on himself. I'll admit if there was one flaw that I could name in the duration of this narrative right off the bat, there's a bit of a run around in the timeline for events, but it makes sense as the book moves forward because it's dealing with Valerie's (Val's) recall and rollercoaster of grief. When we meet her, she's not the most likable person to follow. She's between these PTSD states as she attempts to return to school for the first time in months after the shooting.

Suffice to say, people are not happy to see her, not just for the fact that her former boyfriend was the shooter, but he targeted people based on a list of people she made - those that either tormented them or hung in the same circles as those people. So Val's having PTSD from not just the shooting itself, but for her role in events with it, even for inadvertently saving the life of a fellow classmate in trying to stop Nick from shooting anyone else. The narrative takes the reader through not just the event, but for Val's reminiscence of her relationship with Nick and the conflicting emotions she feels in not being able to understand the divide between her good memories with him, his distancing, and the consequences of what he did.

Watching Val go through therapy and the conflict of emotions in that process really hit home with me. I found it so realistic, especially with the strong performance of the audio narrator, Kathleen McInerney. Val has to not only come to terms with what happened in the past, but deal with the changes in her relationships at school - as well as at home. Val had a very unstable home and school life, between being bullied, her parents on the verge of divorce, and Nick drawing further and further away in the time before the shooting occurred. Once Val's recollection of the event and the direct aftermath of her recovery is covered, Val's process of moving forward is showcased through her developing relationships and "seeing what's really there" among both the adults in her community and her peers within the student body. It really struck me to see how much Val grew and came to terms with it all - and the ending punctuated an emotional journey which culminated with Val's graduating class.

I didn't always like the surrounding cast of characters (seriously, Val's parents made me angry in this book - I couldn't believe the way they treated their daughter, but I had the understanding that they were grieving and had their respective flaws. That understanding was what got me through some of the tougher places of the narrative. It's dramatic, but palpable.). I LOVED Dr. Heiler's character - he really came through as an outstanding character not just in Val's recovery, but in his own person as well for support in a community that's still trying to pick up the pieces for the event. Jessica was also a very surprising character with the way she came across. Val inadvertently saved her life, but Jessica becomes more than just the "mean girl" character that she's purported to be at first. The event changes her, much like the student body, and she has a push/pull relationship with Val which becomes a stronger bond as the two relate with each other.

Definitely a recommended read, and especially in its audio format. I loved this book and name it as a new favorite. Will definitely be reading more of Jennifer Brown's work in the future.

Overall score: 4.5/5 stars

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The news tells us that hate is no longer our reality.

I don't know if it's possible to take hate away from people. Not even people like us, who've seen firsthand what hate can do. We're all hurting. We're all going to be hurting for a long time. And we, probably more than anyone else out there, will be searching for a new reality every day. A better one."

The cynical part of me says 'Good luck with that.' I can't see a better reality for people who carry that grudge. I can tell you that I am not a good enough person to say that after 25 years I didn't see all the same faces as I read through this book, that I didn't sympathize with the killer. Maybe it was the reunion that brought that out in me... but I didn't feel anything but the old resentments surface.

I'm afraid to face my 12 year old today. I'm afraid that I'm going to have to lie and tell her that it goes away. My words will sound hollow and will drift (much like this review has). This makes me sadder than you will ever know.

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As simple as this may be, as frustrating. When I think of Nick and Valerie - I think kids, and I think immaturity. I think of that mashing with misery and anger and see a whole lot of destruction. It's not about evil, the bad or good in my opinion. It's about kids who were immature, confused and hurt, and about a boy who was all of that and let all these emotions get the better of him. But I suppose, one doesn't like to think that it's things like immaturity that may be the cause, but sometimes I think it's important to see it for what it is. However hurtful it may be.

I can't rate this book though. Too personal, too many conflicted thoughts, and no rating would seem fair or quite right to be honest. So I'll leave the review to let you form your own opinion and to help you decide if this book is for you.

...moreflag19 likes · Like  · see reviewView 2 commentslink href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/286124436">

"She is so beyond freaked you have no idea."

One big point this novel makes, by implication, is how easily young women can turn into pretty young zombies. Valerie kind of sleepwalks along with her lovely boyfriend. She's influenced by his darkness, his infatuation with death, okay, yes, the G word is not used but this young couple are clearly Goths. Black eyeliner is mentioned. Why Nick is constantly picked on at Garvin High School is also not really explored in much detail, but after the brief scenes which describe his poverty stricken home life and his tatty clothes clearly the motive for the bullying has more than a whiff of class prejudice about it. As Nick's anguish about being a continual target at school deepens, Valerie is still thinking that it's ValNick against the world and just by throwing up this screen of hatred expressed in the Hate List she writes up in her journal, they can survive. She doesn't see he's taking it all to a whole other level. Oh those horrendous later realisations! Ah humanity!

I didn't realise you were so unhappy.

I didn't realise what your life was really like.

and worse

I didn't realise you meant it!

At the end of the novel we are presented with an interview with the author who helpfully answers questions like Why was Valerie's dad so mean? (I wondered that too) and after that the first chapter of Jennifer Brown's next novel! How ...er...nice! Thank you! This did not used to happen in the days of Gustave Flaubert or James Joyce but it may have been useful.

All in all, another gothtastic, maxillo-facial read : 3.5 stars.

...moreflag19 likes · Like  · see reviewView all 5 commentslink href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2170754723"> Honestly, I my main problem with this book is that I found Valerie very difficult to relate to and understand. At points I could connect with the character, but she seemed selfish and acted, in my opinion, unrealistically when faced with certain situations, like just (view spoiler)[leaving completely (hide spoiler)] at the end of the book. She just seems off.

Nick was also very annoying to read about. She tried to highlight Nick's "good side," but he shot up a school. The author doesn't emphasize the fact that he literally murdered his own peers. Instead, I felt like Brown was playing Nick off as a "really good guy, just sad" instead of "this guy is considered a serial killer." I have a lot of interest in school shootings, specifically Columbine, and, to me, Nick was poorly written out.

I felt detached as other readers have until the end. I did enjoy her therapist during all his mentions and Bea, but the ending was the only part I can say I truly enjoyed about this book.

Everyone was very black-and-white besides Valerie and Nick. Either they're a good guy or a bad guy. No inbetween. Jessica was saintly, "popular people" anti-christs, etc. No one had a deep side.

Lastly, how on Earth does no one care about the shootings a year later? They mention that the shootings just got a moment of silence and everyone already moved on, even if they saw their best friends die. I think it takes a lot more to just get past it like that. That would not at all be an aftermath of a shooting.

Overall, mixed feelings.

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★★★★★

To everyone who got this far, thank you for reading and have a wonderful day! Also, feel free to share your thoughts, comment or tell me anything :)

...moreflag13 likes · Like  · see reviewView 2 commentslink href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1575146556"> killers do not 'snap'. They plan. They acquire School shooting is a topic of intense interest around the world, particularly in the United States where most have taken place. A thorough study of all United States school shootings by the U.S. Secret Service warned against the belief that a certain "type" of student would be a perpetrator. While it may be simplistic to assume a straightforward "profile", the study did find certain similarities among the perpetrators. The researchers found that:

killers do not 'snap'. They plan. They acquire weapons. These children take a long, considered, public path toward violence.

Bullying is common in schools and seemed to play a role in the lives of many of the school shooters. Often, they are rejected by their peers and follow through by restoring justice in what they see as an unjust situation. Their plan for restoration many times results in violence.

87% of school shooters claimed or left behind evidence of them being victims of bullying.

Hate List combines both of these themes. It is about Valerie, a student in Jnr High, who one day decides to start a list in a notebook. The list is about all of the people and things in life that bug her.
Then she meets Nick.
They become a couple and soon she shares the list with him. The list becomes their "thing" that they discuss and add to; the bullies, the tormentors, the thugs.

The list is just a way to vent and release the pressures of life..

..or so Valerie thought..

..until one day Nick pulls a gun in the common room and starts to shoot those who appear on “the list”. Valerie tries desperately to stop him and ends up being shot herself, before Nick finally turns the gun on himself. Six students and one teacher die and many are injured.

The list is soon discovered by police and Valerie is immediately implicated as an accomplice in the shooting.

The rest of the story is about how Valerie comes to terms with the shooting, the conflicting physical and emotional feelings she experiences, the therapy sessions she goes through, the pain of losing friends and the trust of family, and the strength required to move forward. It is about one girl’s journey of guilt and atonement, after circumstances that could not have been prevented.

Hate List, Jennifer Brown's debut novel, is complex and unique, heartbreaking and emotional, but also insightful and hopeful. She does not hold back in writing what needs to be said and is brilliant at portraying the trauma and guilt that Valerie feels. The realism of characters is simply superb.

Hate List cannot be considered a shallow or light read, for the hard-hitting themes and thoughts it provokes. I highly recommend it; it will surely impact every reader in some way.

...moreflag13 likes · Like  · see reviewView 2 commentslink href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/823466374"> Hate List

More DetailsOriginal TitleHate ListISBN0316041440ISBN13: 9780316041447Edition LanguageEnglishSeriesHate ListCharactersValerie Leftman, Nick Levil, Jessica CampbellLiterary AwardsMilwaukee County Teen Book Award Nominee (2011), Michigan Library Association Thumbs Up! Award (2010), Lincoln Award Nominee (2014), Gateway Readers Award (2012), Oklahoma Sequoyah Award for High School (2012a id="bookDataBoxHide" style="display: none;" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6316171-hate-list?page=2#" onclick="$j('#bookDataBoxShow').show(); $j('#bookDataBoxHide').hide(); $j('#bookDataBox').hidereturn false;">...Less Detail Edit Detailsh2>Reader QA

To ask other readers questions about Hate List, please sign up. Popular Answered Questions Would you recommend this book for someone who likes 13 Reasons Why?

• 7 likes · like
• 4 years ago
• See all 2 answers alt src="http://res.cloudinary.com/dmoe4us36/image/upload/v1659191519/50938238._UX100_CR0,0,100,100_.jpg"> Shannon Fay I would absolutely recommend this book to anyone who enjoyed 13 Reason Why. A lot of what it deals with is similar. There's a tragic act that seriousl…moreI would absolutely recommend this book to anyone who enjoyed 13 Reason Why. A lot of what it deals with is similar. There's a tragic act that seriously affects people who knew that person. There are people left devastated by those actions, and the main character really struggles, and you can relate to her story, and (at least I could), feel what she's feeling. So if you liked 13 Reasons, because you liked reading about a messed up situation, and how that affects people (I guess liked is the wrong word, cuz it is really messed up). If you enjoyed reading a really tough, but touching book, then yes, you'd probably like this.(less) flag
  • book, enoyed the story line but think it should be 13
    • 3 likes · like
    • 8 years ago
    • Add your answer alt src="http://res.cloudinary.com/doswgrsx9/image/upload/v1659191520/45426175._UX100_CR0,0,100,100_.jpg"> Riley Hurst It's marked as YA which starts between 12 and 14 at most schools as to when you're allowed to check them out.…moreIt's marked as YA which starts between 12 and 14 at most schools as to when you're allowed to check them out.(less) flag
      • all 17 questions about Hate List…

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Community Reviews

Showing 31-60img src="http://res.cloudinary.com/da35tpgq6/image/upload/v1659191524/u_50x66-632230dc9882b4352d753eedf9396530.png" alt data-reactid=".1tkydh1pkqe.0.0">Start your review of Hate ListWrite a reviewhref="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/63126126"> I would not teach this book in a school. I really see nothing of use in "Hate List."
...moreflag11 likes · Like  · see reviewView all 4 commentslink href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/59053750"> This is one of THE hardest books I've ever read.

I'm the mother of 2. I have an oldest child in highschool.
The threat and terror of a school shooting is my worst nightmare. Something so out of control and so unfathomable, that I can't even wrap my mind around it.

When there are school shootings - and sometimes it feels like they are daily - I can't handle it

"We don't always have to be the losers, Valerie. They may want to make us feel that way, but we're not. Sometimes we get to win, too." ~ Nick

This is one of THE hardest books I've ever read.

I'm the mother of 2. I have an oldest child in highschool.
The threat and terror of a school shooting is my worst nightmare. Something so out of control and so unfathomable, that I can't even wrap my mind around it.

When there are school shootings - and sometimes it feels like they are daily - I can't handle it. It's too much for me.

This book, too, was almost too much for me. If I hadn't been reading it with friends and had the ability to vent something of these things (and have a fun discussion about law - because THOSE things I like to talk about!), I never would have finished this.

It was just so gut-wrenching and awful. I felt so bad for Valerie - but her struggle was so foreign to me. And as much as I wanted to hug her and feel so bad for her - I was held back from fully having sympathy for her.

Because I'm not her mother. I love her mother for being the best mother she could be with the situatin she was handed. And I kind of hate her dad for being a jerk.

But I really struggled with feeling bad for Valerie. I wanted to hate her. I wanted to hate her as much as I hated Nick. But she was just a kid, too. And it seems so unfair to hate her - she was a victim too.

It's what makes this book good - that struggle to like who is supposed to be the good guys even tho they did bad things. And the struggle to define who the bad guys were. Because the bullies were AWFUL. And the shooters, did they turn into bullies too? Gah, it's just all....too much.

...moreflag6 likes · Like  · see reviewView all 3 commentslink href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2206608066">

This is certainly not just a story about a school shooting. If that's what you want, go read This Is Where It Ends. Instead, this is a novel about Valerie's journey of personal growth to self-acceptance and fitting back into the community that was very quick to blame her. The only reason I did not give this true five star rating is because I felt that Valerie's growth was very slow paced until the end of the novel and then wrapped up quickly. I also thought that the motif of her artwork would play a larger role in her journey's resolution, but that certainly wasn't a huge issue. All in all, Brown does a wonderful job of honing in on the protagonist and making the reader feel deeply connected to her, while also leaving other characters' experiences open to empathy, which is truly beautiful.

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